curiouscloud

After so many weeks (dare I say months?) he has returned. Initialy it was a conversation when we ran into each other during a meeting at the break room. I had just arrived and he followed shortly after and went to directly to me after leaving his stuff. I don't even remember what we talked about because I was so confused as to why he was talking to me as if everything was okay when I made it very clear I don't want to socialize with him. He also ran into me during the break that day and after we exchange a few words I went my own wa and ignored him the rest.
I tried to keep my distance because I really had no energy for a couple of weeks. I've been sleeping horrible. I was not even in the mood for my teammates, people I actually enjoy. I could feel him watching me and he tried to make conversation a few times but thanfully it was while I was clocked out so I have no obligation to speak to him. I ignore him most of the time.
But just last week he caught me ending my shift. I finished my work for the day and was literally just helping the rest of my team because I had about twenty minutes before I could go. My team manager asked me to help another team out before I left and I accepted. Yogi has been transfered from that area, but his new area it's still right next to it. I didn't even made it five minutes before he arrived.
I was busy because I was not given a light task to compleate in fifteen minutes and I was not staying after my shift to finish anything. I was extreamly tired. So I was not making that much conversation with him, he was saying the same things as everyone, how I he didn't see him at work anymore and I was never assigned to his area. Around ten minutes after another manager arrived and asked him to do something, I never seen her before but she was talking to my team manager shortly after and I was recently told by another coworker that security watches specific employees managers have told them to keep an out. They call them to let them know and that's why they appear at times coincidentially. But of course, five minutes later he was back at my side. And I moved and literally moved from that area to one he had no bussiness being in. That means he knowingly searched for me. He said he wanted to help me finish the work but I threw the towel and said the team would have to finish this one.
He kept following me even after I said goodbye. And I mean, he literally said goodbye, walked in the oppisite direction of me, towards the exit, while I walked towards the back to return my equiptment to the office and pick up my stuff and after I checked in with my manager and updated him about the status of my task, he appeared asking me why I hand't left already. This was in the back rooms where he had no bussiness being unless he's been given a specific task or is part of the teams of that area. Like mine. There was no reason for him to be there. He went out of his way to enter our space for what?
So I said my goodbye again, went to pick up my stuff and called K to tell him about it. Hopefully if he saw me talking on the phone he would get the hint. He tried to talk to me and I gave him a generic response because I didn't hear what he said. K told me to be frank, but I have been. I've told me he sresses me out, we are not friends and I don't like talking to him so I would appreciate if he kept his distance. I thought he got it. I don't understand what happend and why he feels like he can just talk to me everytime I'm around his area. That's literally not a sign that I'm open for friendships. I still don't want to talk to him. We still just work in the same place. Nothing has changed. And I think there's something seriously messed up with that mindset of his. It's like he doesn't understand rejection. Once I've made up my mind of someone, it's very hard for that to change.

Back to the real world I guess.
Vacation was great. I wanted to document it in writing but I didn't really have that much time for that. I wish it hadn't ended. Having a bit of trouble getting back to normal. Weather doesn't really help, it's getting chilly outside and the cold just makes me want to lay in bed. Procrastination has been my enemy since forever.
Took a break from caffeine for a few days, needed the reset. I wasn't feeling the celsius. Dreading a bit going back to work but I know it's actually needed.
K had a work event today and it's hanging out with his collegues. It bothers me sometimes when he hangs out with them, I'm not that close with my colleagues. But I also can't be a hypocrite because it's not like I don't actually have a relationship with them. It's rare the times I do but sometimes I accept the invites.
Habibi is feeling hurt by my lack of attention lately. K doesn't really like how close we are and I have to respect that. I wouldn't like him to have that type of relationship with another one. It's not only because of the history we have, but I am actually a bit of a jealous person. I want all his attention to myself. And he's so understanding.
But I miss habibi. It's more K's habibi than mine but I've grown to care for him so much. I don't consider anyone as highly as him. Not even my longest friendships. We have gone through so much.
I have to return some calls. SeaSun has been calling me for a while. Honestly I've given her space because she recently started dating someone seriously after Joker and he seems very nice. I know she centers her attention on her partners, especially if they are starting out. I want her to enjoy that and give herself time to explore everything she's been wanting. Joker was horrible and it took me a while to realize that, I'm still grasping just how bad he was for her. So I can't imagine how hard it must have been for her.
It's been a few months and all I've heard have been good things. I can only hope things are really okay but I do need to check up on her. Plus I've been needing a girls date.
On that note, don't know about the lives of the foursome. They've all been busy with their lives and partners. Literally the last thing I've heard about all of them is their marriage and moving in with their spouses to their new house.
K went with me to a wedding, the other one we didn't get an invite to. Actually no one did, it was very rushed and we found out after. There were talks about an outing but it's been left in the air so who knows.

I'm trying to post everyday. I'm back home and I miss being at K's. I have to go to wok soon and I feel motivated but also wish I could just rest. I want to go back to sleeping with K.
We didn't get to work in the car, he had a bad day at work and had to leave early. We spent it resting and he's trying to get an appointment as soon as he can. He needs the green light to go bck to work. I feel like this is been happening more often and I fear his job is hurting him. He works too much.
I didn't get to organize at home during my free time so I fell behind on laundry. I also need to organize my space because I left everything a mess. I know it's just about investing five minutes everyday to keep everything looking good and putting things back after working with them. I just have a bad case of procrastination and then I snap out of it and realize everything is messed up again. It takes me feeling overwhelmed in my space for me to have the motivation to clean it.

Sometimes I feel people have this sort of entitlement to others people's time and attention. I don't think anyone really owes you a friendship. People shouldn't take things so personal. Someone at work has been bothering me for months because they want a friendship. I used to believe one should always be surrounded by people but as the years have passed I've become to appreciate my solitude. I don't want to be constantly surrounded by tons of people even if they are friends. In some days I'm in the mood but most times I'm honestly too tired to be good company and what I want is just to lay under my bedsheets and just relax. I adore the people I have in my life, but I don't need to be constatnly around them to have our friendship. I think part of the reason why the relationhips I have are so strong has to do with the disance we have allowed ourselves to have. My best friend started to date a recently and has two jobs, all the free time is deditacted to them. But that doesn't mean I'm not there getting ocasional updates and check ups, even if we take days to answers. We could take months and we will still be there for each other. And I cheerish that. Not everyone that you see alone is actually lonely. People not liking you is normal, everyone has different preferences. If they don't want a freindship it shouldn't be the end of the world.