curiouscloud | Reading

It's Tuesday and I'm debating on the Farmer's Market as always. I really want some good Maryland Tomatoes, and I don't know how many more chances I'll have. With fall getting ready to come sneaking in, my mind is turning to Thanksgiving and where we want to get our turkey from. And what we want to do with it. And how big it should be. It's something to consider.

Jess' surgery is exactly 30 days away now. They have their preop this morning, and will get bloodwork then. They're young enough that all they need is bloodwork in order to get it. Then we shall prepare for the long wait. The world is on fire enough that it's causing serious stress. Jess is having a hard time, full of "but what if" catastrophizing. , and I wish that I could help. Hopefully, their Therapist can help with some stress-managing ideas. All I can do is give hugs and remind them that even if Ogberfell falls, Maryland ratified same sex marriage a full three years before the supreme court. And if it is outlawed, then Hopkins has had partner benefits for 26 years, so really we're okay. It'll be okay.

And maybe I'm channelling my innner Tobias (from Ghost) and his occasionally wildly optomistic view of the future, but I feel like we can still pull back from the precipice. And if we can't, I can always make plans to move to Portugal or Germany. It would suck, but if we need to, we can.

Yesterday was very busy at work. I was calling patients and filling in appointments most of the afternoon.

I'd also like it noted, I did not go full supervillain and punch someone through the internet. While I comb schedules for places to work people in, I frequently find fuck ups. Most are nothing major, and I just fix them, but some...

Our grid, which is basically the holy bible of scheduling, states that if a patient has anything but a cardiac stent, they have to go on the 1.5 T machine. There's a little yes/no question that specifically asks that. And yet, my dude answered no to everything. And then made a little note that he had a brain stent. And put it on a 3.0T machine. And then, I who had a sooner appt on the 3T call the pt to see if he wants it. And I start going through the questions. And find the bullshit note and am like "oh, noooo." It worked out fine, I found an opening on a 1.5, but for that one *best case* scenario is that he gets there and they can't scan. Worst case, he gets scanned and those stents heat up and do damage.

Then, there was another dude, whose dr told him he needed a 3T. And he has a Cochlear implant. Which is fine. It's one that can be done on a 3T. But, he also has a lumbar spinal fusion that goes into S1. And the picture is of his prostate. So I send back to clarify, and the radiologist agrees with me--he needs a 1.5. So, I call the doctor, and let him know what's up, he calls me back and long and short of it, I look super smart and good and conscientious about our patients.

I'm pretty sure Peg was on that email, too. I mean, I still fuck up, but not as often as some people.

Okay, time for me to go forth and get my ass in gear. Gotta figure out what I'm having for breakfast this morning. Everyone have an outstanding day!

dmxrated

Went to the landfill with Mom yesterday afternoon to dispose of those branches.

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Mom recently got me a credit card from Capital One, in order to start building a credit score and gain free miles to travel. I've been using it mostly for meals and rides (obviously not using it for expensive business on Upwork et al, although I should definitely look into buying anything I ever need on Ebay, where I can get 3x miles).

Yesterday afternoon, by pulling Hidive up on our house TV and registering my new card there (I never even registered either of my debit cards there), I wound up getting a new free trial.

Went on to show Mom two episodes of Mahoromatic: Something More Beautiful, first after helping her with some stuff outside, next after dinner.

In all likelihood, we're still going to have a few episodes left over by the time to pay for my first month. However, Brian and Emily have arranged to come over for Thursday, before a job interview Brian has in NYC on Friday, so I might take this upcoming visit to show them episode 4 of K-On! that I had previously overlooked.

beanside

And somehow, way too quickly, we're back to Monday. I did not want to answer the alarm's call. I did, because it's fucking annoying, but I wanted to go back to sleep for a few minutes.

I didn't really sleep great. I was excited after game and I had a hard time settling down, so I was a little late dozing off. We listened to Shmanners (which is a podcast--my favorite) and that didn't do it, so then I listened to Ghost--what I've termed my "emotional support Papa"

Speaking of Ghost, Jess sent me the best TikTok where the lead singer had the best quote about why his music is the way it is. "I want to try to let people who might be lost for hope tap into my sometimes, maybe, quite over-optimistic outlook on the future.” I think it hits on why I enjoy Ghost so much. Yes, the songs are about the darkness, but overall, it's about surviving the darkness and maybe even finding beauty in it. And they have one banger after another. They've really worked their way into my brain. I'm really grateful that last year Jess said "If Ghost tours again, would you go to a concert with me? And then they got excited when their Mocumentary/concert video Rite Here, Rite Now came out, so I downloaded it, watched it with them. That started it, but the concert definitely solidified it. There were people wandering around and trading bracelets and just such a sense of community, like I hadn't felt the likes of since Season One of Supernatural. It was nice.

Today is sure to be very busy, and then I actually have to cook this fucking chicken. I put it off one more night, but tonight's gotta be the night. I will probably cook the chicken separate from the stuffing, so I can get the chicken in first. Hopefully, I'll have that all done in time to eat at a reasonable time.

For now, I shall hop off and maybe grab a nice shower. Everyone have an outstanding Monday!

fayanora

I keep hearing people -- even people who are supposedly history educators -- saying that people only lived about 40 years back in the day. That is NOT true! That is a MYTH caused by a failure to understand how averages work! Yes, the average life expectancy was about 40 back then, but that was because so many children died back then, it drove the average down. Very few children made it out of childhood alive, which is a large part of why people used to have so many kids. If you didn't count the kids when doing the averaging, people generally lived just as long as they do now once they made it to adulthood, assuming they didn't die in a war.

Or put into meme speak: "Old timey kids were the 'spiders georg' of dying back in the day, and 'should not have been counted.'"

beanside

It's Sunday! Today, we have some games, and in between, I'm going to make dinner. I'll probably do as much of it as I can this morning. If I need to slice and reheat the chicken tonight, that's fine. My sister kindly got dinner last night, so I didn't have to stand (still a bit sore) so I am not making the spinach lasagna today. I might prep it between games so we'll have it to just bake tomorrow. That would get some enormous containers of spinach out of my fridge.

Yesterday was mostly quiet aside from going out to lunch. We got some excellent Mexican food from a place in Towson called Mucho Gusto. Very tasty food, and a super sweet waitress. After that, we came and lazed, and eventually, I did some prep work for our first game. I need to go looking at my maps, and find some maps for the feywild, which is one of their options of places to go. Went to bed early and passed out pretty quickly. Of course, that meant that I woke up at 6:30am, which is not my first choice. I was hoping for 8. Oh well.

Today, we have Arvandor, which I DM and Prophecy of the Nine Omens which is all

poisontaster .

I had taken yesterday off, so that I could go get our cow share, but apparently, it's still aging at the butcher. We went to this place last year, and they give you a nice big duffle bag of frozen, aged beef. It was so freaking good. You get an email, and you get to choose what you want in your bag. It's entirely worth the long ass drive to get to the farm for pickup. It's about an hour and a half drive.

Before then, I need to get a nice cooler, so that we transport our meat easily and safely.

We're t-minus 13 days from the fandom get together. It'll be 9 fanpeople at an all you can eat steak buffet for brunch. I'm looking forward to it.

It should be loud and raucous and I hope the restaurant is ready for us. lol

Okay, I'm going to hop off here and start working on my chicken. my herbed butter is not going to make itself. Everyone have a stellar Sunday!!

dmxrated

And so, we finished the first season off yesterday.

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Mom asked me yesterday afternoon if I'd like her to order some Chinese takeout for dinner, and suggested Turkish a few minutes later if I'd rather have that. I looked up the menus for both Golden Star and Angora, instead of defaulting to what we usually get. Nothing stood out that much in the former, but I decided to get some shish kebab as my main course from the latter, with some rice pudding for dessert.

beanside

My god, I'm exhausted today. If I didn't ave a Saturday shift, I'd definitely still be in bed.

Yesterday's meeting went pretty well. I got up half an hour early and got myself together to go forth down to the city. I looked very business appropriate in a pencil skirt, a teal blouse and dress shoes. (Remember those dress shoes.)

I got down there fine, GPS is actually very good for downtown, and I left just before 7, so I was before a lot of traffic. Before I knew it, I was pulling up to the hospital. My plan was to valet, but in my invite package, they mentioned that the conference center was right by the one bridge from the parking garage, so I gave it a try. I found a pretty close spot, so I was like "okay, I can do this." And sure enough, the conference room was *right* there.

I had 60 min before my meeting officially started, so I figured I'd try to get my badge, and did hike one, which was about a mile all totaled. Nothing horrible, but yeah. Dress shoes.

I couldn't get my badge, because I needed a paper from HR, which I in no way had time for. So, I went back to the conference room and figured I'd try after we were done.

On my walk there, I heard my name, and found the director of Radiology addressing me. She recognized my picture from the article and paused to say hello and introduce herself.

They had a light breakfast--bagels and pastries. I had half a bagel, not wanting to be greedy. Then we had the meeting. It was good. Just your basic "welcome to Hopkins." It was interesting to find that we had scheduled over 300,000 exams just for the outpatient centers alone. A chunk of those the pt scheduled via mychart, but we did a good number. I do wonder how much money we bring in. It's gotta be fairly steep.

During the meeting, we were encouraged to participate, and the head of radiology singled out the story I had online, about the sweet patient. She was very complimentary and held it up as an example of something that was top of the line customer service, and would drive brand loyalty. So that was nice.

Afterwards, we got a tour of the hospital. It was about 2 1/2 miles of walking. In dress shoes.

I did it, but goddamn.

I did get a good view of the famous Hopkins Dome and took a picture.

Finally, our tour was almost over.

We stopped in our fifth building to get our box lunches, and swag and came back through the building where I needed to get my badge. Peg let me beg off the rest of the tour so I could get my badge at that point, and I did so. After 18 months, I finally have my Hopkins credentials! I don't technically need them, but I wanted them.

Then, I gimped back to the sky bridge, stopping at the gift shop in the Children's Center. On an end cap by the door, I glimpsed a pile of rainbows, and thought "surely they don't have gay pride stuff prominently displayed in the gift shop in the Children's center! Uh, dear reader, they had a FUCKTON of gay pride things displayed. I got a mug for Jess that says "Queer AF."

Then, I toddled off to my car. Right around ten minutes from home, the leg cramps started to hit.

That became a theme for the next three hours. My legs and feet were NOT happy.

I got home and unpacked all my swag, which included a nice tote bag, a cool automatic umbrella, some sunglasses, lip balm, lens cleaners and a nail file/mirror combo.

I took a little nap once the leg cramps eased up, and then ordered dinner. We had game after dinner, and that was a lot of fun.

Today work, then nothing scheduled. I'd like to go get my pills, but aside from that, just relaxing and recovering. My legs are just sore as hell today. But since I walked somewhere between 3-4 miles in totally non supportive flats, I'm not shocked.

Okay, time for me to get myself together for work. Everyone have an amazing Saturday!

dmxrated

A new Cibus pic of Suzune and Kagari, in bikinis:

https://www.deviantart.com/dmxrated/art/Let-s-rub-bellies-1227759630

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Finally got around to showing Mom more of That Time I Got Reincarnated as a Slime. If I recall correctly, we probably stopped when Brian and Emily came over, when I shifted focus to showing them Asuka and ChäoS;HEAd, and I must've found myself invested in other things even after they left. Just yesterday afternoon, though, we watched two episodes, and now there's just two left for the first season.

virtualdr34mland

well howdy everyone it’s that time again. so what have i been up to?

i’m so excited to say this: i’ve been drawing again! i’ll likely post an incidental about this endeavor but i got an ipad through a combination of situations. now i really don’t think an ipad is for everyone, or that a screen tablet is for everyone, but for my specific needs it was perfect. really looking forward to using it even more.

(i’m also writing this entry on my ipad… this keyboard is so tiny.)

back on the vampire survivors grind good lord help me it’s taking over my life-

umm what else… i’ve been bringing my lunches to work now. one because OW it’s expensive; the other reason is our head sushi chef was transferred and her replacement just isn’t the same. i’ve really missed being able to cook- and i’m really not like…. cooking, but even preparing my own food has been something i missed.

working on games, again, slowly and surely it’s happening. god i might be able to have a demo out at some point?!?!? that’s crazy. but we’ll get there when we get there.

and of course, as the title implies i have an official move in date! in 42 days i’ll be moving in with my wifey, finally… i’m so excited, and i’m so nervous. i can’t believe it’s really, genuinely, actually happening. maybe i’ll even go back to weekly updates…? (but probably not.) i’m just really looking forward to moving and being with the love of my life.

i never thought it would happen for me. that i’d always just live in my parents’ house working at the grocery store until the day i died. but it DID happen- i’m happy and healthy and ready to start my life!

well, that’ll be all for now.

til next time!

Mood: energetic

dmxrated

Since early childhood, I always had a thing for choosing things randomly in all manner of contexts, such as what cereal to have for breakfast. Originally, this manifested in a form of eenie-meenie-minie-mo, but by reading or reciting letters from something, such as an issue we had back then of The Wholesale-By-Mail Catalog, and counting up to that letter.

The first paragraph in my planned introduction for each randomization challenge walkthrough.

Drawing upon that, Mom asked me two nights ago if I roll dice to decide where I'm going to eat for my lunch break. I told her that I just go wherever I feel like. (Promotions do tend to sway me, though, and Starbucks has one almost every week where you can earn stars by ordering something several days in a row or something like that.)

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Yesterday, I decided to eat at Charley's, and yes, I do enter a random integer online on my phone to decide which flavor of chicken (minus anything spicier than Cajun pepper rub). Generated 7 in a maximum thereof, ordered some lemon pepper rub bites, and it's a good thing I had also ordered a cookies 'n' cream milkshake; had to eat a spoonful out of that after each bite, and they had left some tingling sensation on the roof of my mouth that I could feel even when having a water bottle later.

Mom asked me upon picking me up, if I'd like something light like a BLT for dinner after that and some mozzarella sticks that came with the chicken. I asked for something smoother in my mouth, and she offered me some carbonara.

When she actually made that, the zucchini still irritated my mouth, and we wound up trading mine of that for her noodles.

Even a Healthy Choice fudge bar felt hard, although today's yogurt snack that she left me for breakfast felt much nicer. (Didn't bother pouring any cereal or boiling some coffee to go with it.)

beanside

Meeting day! I am very nervous. And again, I'm kind of wondering what the endgame for this is. The purpose stated to me is to "get me face time with Peg". But I don't know to what end. I'm apparently just supposed to go and be me at her? Which is not comforting. I'm waiting for my Vyvanse to kick in, maybe that'll help settle me down, since right now I'm a bit nervous. I'm just not sure I'm very good at being a schmoozer. Work has set parameters that I need to follow, that makes sense to me. This is freeform. Ugh.

Oh well, all I can do is my best. None of my managers are going to be at this meeting, so I'm basically being tossed to the wolves. It's an orientation meeting, so at least I won't have to do full time schmoozing. The thing is, Patient Access Specialists like me do not get an orientation like this. We get an online orientation with all the other secretarial people. Thus, I'm assuming that I'm being thrown in with the doctors and nurses. I'm not sure how I stand out among that.

Again, I'll deal, but wow. It's only half a day, I can do this. I'm just going to blast Ghost all the way down, and I'll be good. At least I can finally get my employee badge.

Tomorrow, we don't have anything planned. A friend had invited us over to their apartment for fajitas, but I'm not sure I want to go out at all. We'll see.

Tonight, since I'm only working half a day, I'm going to either make a full roasting chicken with dressing and mashed potatoes and gravy or alternately, I'll make spinach lasagna.

Sunday, we have a shitton of games, so we'll be ordering dinner, or eating leftover lasagna.

Okay, time for me to go forth and start getting ready. Everyone have an stellar Friday!

dmxrated

Right when I remembered to write up yesterday's blog entry, my bus arrived early, without my phone even sounding off. I figured I might as well accept the ride early, and got to the store an hour before my shift.

Went to the break room to write up my entry and a Reddit post on my phone. Noticed a box of Entemann's donuts on a seemingly abandoned table afterwards, and helped myself to the two chocolate ones before ordering a lox sandwich and a cortado on the Bagel Boss app.

beanside

We're sliding into the weekend! Two and a half more days (for me).

Yesterday was very busy. Yet I was triumphant at getting someone in for a Cardiac MRI, so it was a good day. The patient had called earlier and gotten one at the end of the month, which is SO rare. these normally are booking out to October. But the spouse called back to ask about the wait list and got me. And I'll admit, I tooted my own horn a bit, telling them that they got the right person, as I am nominally in charge of cardiac slots. The order had been put in incorrectly, as it was from an outside doctor and the person who put it in failed to notice the STAT on it. I fixed it, and promised that I'd keep an eye out. And sure enough, there was a cancellation within 2 hours, and he went from end of the month to tomorrow. And I felt superior and smug.

The rest of the day was pretty busy. I called a LOT of patients back, and sent a lot of messages.

Tomorrow, I presumably have the meeting with the big boss. I still question the motive behind this. It's technically an orientation meeting for new radiologists and techs, but my top two managers in my dept feel like this could be important, so off I go, down to the city and the big hospital. At least that's my current plan. I still haven't gotten an invite, so I don't know a ton of when, where etc. I just know it's on the Zayed concourse. I'm going to run out tonight and get some gas in my car, just to have a full tank, and maybe get another $40 out so I have some extra cash.

I'm not really a city girl. I like the things a city holds--good, diverse food and entertainment, but I hate city driving. Fortunately, the hospital is near the Russian church I go to every fall for their festival, so the route is pretty simple.

Saturday, I'll work, and then I shall have a nice weekend. I had blocked Saturday off to go get our cow share, but since I haven't heard from them, I'm assuming that they're not done dry aging. This is sad, as the next few weekends could be tough to find time drive the hour and a half to pick them up. They'll be 100% worth it, mind you. Those were some of the best steaks I've had. It's not a huge share, just like a tote bag full, but it'll keep us for a few weeks.

Okay, time to finish up and go forth and get ready for another busy day. Everyone have an excellent Thursday!

dmxrated

Shortly before yesterday's shift ended, Mom texted me for my computer password in order to fix my Internet connection.

Upon picking me up, she showed me a dashcam video Nancy had found somewhere, of an 18-wheeler swerving and hitting an electric pole, barely missing a Gershow truck before impact, on Horseblock Road.

I had already gone off to sleep by the time things were back in order.

beanside

Welcome to Wednesday! It's gotta be less frustrating than Tuesday was.

Update on the bank situation: Wells Fargo can eat a dick. As of this morning, I can actually see the check in the account again, though I have not gotten an update regarding the closing of the account. I was on the phone with three separate levels of customer service yesterday trying to get things straightened out, as well as Jess calling. The big sticking point was that because they locked the account, it was overdrawn, because it wouldn't let me transfer money in to cover it. So I called to ask about that and got singularly unhelpful people. They were threatening that if it wasn't brought up to date (how?) I would be charged $35/item. I finally told them that if I was charged a single cent, we were going to have a problem and hung up.

All of this left me feeling shitty and sad yesterday. Like I said, today I can see the check, so that's something. I will be transferring the money out of the account as quickly as possible, and putting it into a different account with the plan of closing this one asap. I'm not dealing with their shit again. We've got a minimum of 3 checks yet to come, and I'm not going to have them do. this again.

Add to the bank clusterfuck, we got a note that they're doing a pest control sweep on Thursday. Which should be thrilling, what with Yoda and Boodle. Not looking forward to it. Plus, I'm going to have to stop working for the time they're here because HIPAA.

Today, the pupper is going to get his day of beauty. I'm dropping him off during my lunch break, and picking up after I get off work. He will of course, be a little angel for her.

Though he was super good for his walk yesterday. I was very proud of him. There were three dogs, including one who barked at him and five people and the worst he did was a little gruffle at the dog who barked, but he turned away and walked like a good boy. I think the increase in prednisone is helping him. I was also a little proud of me, since for the first time, I walked the full circuit around the neighborhood. I'm a little sore, but I need to increase my stamina, since I'm going to be in charge of walks once Jess has their surgery in 5 weeks.

Work was busy yesterday. I did 41 calls, plus some extra curricular schedule filling and calling patients back. Friday I have my meeting with the big boss, so we'll see how that goes. I'll figure out what time I need to leave to get downtown in time. I'm definitely valet parking, because fuck that shit. I figure I'm going to have to hike the hospital as it is. I'm cautiously extending my walking ability, but that's in tennis shoes, not dress shoes.

Okay, I'm going to go forth and see how much the bank will let me transfer at once. Probably about $5k, so that's going to take at least six days. We'll see. Everyone have an awesome Wednesday!

zarla

Ughhh so busy lately, feel like there's too much to focus on and can't focus on any one thing! Tired, busy! Stuff happening! Aaa!

In the meantime, I've been thinking about genAI lately after seeing a post from someone who had chatgpt helping them "write" a children's book that it was lying about saving so they lost all of it, and another guy who was upset his work blocked chatgpt and now he'd have to do his job, and so on and so forth. I don't have to go over all the AI arguments from the creative side of things, I'm sure you've heard all of them by now. Many times the argument goes that the value of a work of art is the effort and skill that goes into it, the human element that makes it real and personal. Which I agree with! But it wasn't something I really ever thought about on a personal level until recently.

A lot of arguments for AI revolve around making things faster with less effort. I was thinking about Handplates, and if I had access to a magic machine that didn't hurt the environment or steal from people or any of that, if it was run totally on perfect harmless magic and it could do exactly what I wanted and capture my artistic vision completely, would I have used that for Handplates instead of drawing it myself?

And my answer was an instinctual and instant no. Never. Never ever. The idea is so repellent to me, way more than in any theoretical argument about art as a whole. When you get down to the personal level, of art you personally made or created, the answer to it seems so violently clear. At least for me, anyway.

The process is part of what makes art so valuable - you can find artists everywhere that talk about how the act of creating the art is why they create, is what brings them joy. Handplates was a long, long project that took a ton of effort and time. Some of the pages took 24 hours of straight work (not all at once, over several days, but I did time it). 24 hours I could've spent any other way doing any number of things. If I had that magic perfect machine, would I have used it instead? No.

And it isn't just in a theoretical way or a matter of principle about the creative process. I streamed working on pages to keep myself focused. And people would come to those streams to watch and joke and chat, and I got to know them, and we became friends. I met really good and dear friends I care about that have improved my life for the better! And it's because of the process. It didn't just add value to the piece of art itself, but it added value to my own life. That process didn't just create the art, it created a small community around the streams I did where people met and became friends and got to know each other.

Like, that's a tangible thing! A real benefit that the artistic process brought to me, and my friends too! That artistic process shifted the trajectory of my life! And this isn't even considering how the shape of Handplates changed and shifted in ways as it went along, as I made friends and talked with them and got ideas, moved things around, learned more with each page, studied and read and refined things, changed my mind, got hit with inspiration, all things that only happened because the process of making Handplates took so long. The length of that process is what made it what it is.

Making Handplates helped me outside of creating the art too, it helped give me something solid to focus on when I was falling apart. That's a benefit that's outside the creation of the art itself, an intangible positive effect on my life and wellbeing. Sitting for those 24 hours, drawing and chatting and watching things with my friends, helped me. Meeting all those people improved my life. And all of it was because of the process! Not the final result, but the process of creation!

And with that magic machine, I could've just went "make me a page about Gaster killing someone for the first time" and got it in like five minutes, and all of that disappears. Everything I could've gained from it, gone. That time spent with others, all gone. It could give me back the exact same page as the one that exists, but to me it'd be worthless. It didn't cost anything to make, it didn't give me anything to make. I didn't gain anything from making it, because I didn't make it. The machine did.

It would save me time, it'd convey my vision, but it wouldn't count in my mind. It wouldn't be mine. Even if the result was exactly the same, whether I hit the magic button or sat for a cumulative day sketching and inking and coloring and shading everything, only one of them would be real to me. Only one would count. And if I could've fed that magic machine every Handplates idea all at once, get the entire comic done in one whack to dole it out on a regular schedule, it'd be nothing. It'd mean nothing to me. I feel like it'd mean nothing to everyone else as well. I'd lose so much and for what? A product with nothing behind it. What value would it really have if you could just pop it out instantly? I'd lose so much without the process of creation, and for what?

It was the same kind of reaction I had to thinking about going to this magic machine and saying "Finish this first draft of this Vargas chapter, find a good breaking point". It makes my skin crawl, it fills me with this visceral disgust at the thought of it. Even if the machine was just giving me suggestions, was just doing spellchecks, all of it is just so repellent to me. It's a kind of "don't touch that" reaction, just MINE MINE MINE MINE over and over. Going to another human being for ideas or beta-ing and such is fine, but thinking of going to a machine is just uuuughhhhh. It's such a powerful reaction to even just the thought of it. My writing is mine, my art is mine, I don't want a machine touching it. The thought of the machine being able to mimic my writing style would make it even worse. Seeing it try to write more in Vargas while sounding like me is horrifying to me, just awful awful awful.

I've always agreed with how part of why creative people create things is because we love the act of creation, and that's a thing that a lot of techbros and such pushing for AI slop don't understand. The goal in those cases is just to make the content fast to make a quick buck, the creative process is just an obstacle to skip on the way to the money. I guess it wasn't until I thought about it about my work specifically that I realized just how visceral my disgust at the thought of it was. That and just how much I've gained from that process! There are a lot of benefits to it that I didn't even think of until I put it in these terms.

And the process has even cost me things, like when I hurt my arm for a while because I worked on a page for too long (that was on me, I should've stopped earlier). Would I have used that perfect machine to make the new pages while my arm was healing? No. I would rather have waited until I healed to start it up again. Would I have used the perfect machine to write the fic I had in mind at the time (the strangels one, for the record)? No, I just used a TTS. It wouldn't be mine if I let a machine do it instead, and why should I be proud of something that wasn't mine? Something I didn't make? Something I gave away to something else to do? Why should I get any sense of accomplishment from it? What would even be the point? Right now at this moment I have so many ideas, it's hard to even decide what to work on. Would I use that perfect machine to do some of them, so I could focus on others? No. Absolutely not. What would even be the point? I might as well just throw that idea in the garbage if I cared that little about it.

I dunno, just some loose thoughts, haha.

lj post

Mood: scattered
Watching/Listening: 28545. Enya - Once You Had Gold

beanside

I am so tired today and fully annoyed with my bank.

So I had started the account in may, knowing that I needed a brick and mortar bank to deposit the checks from Dad's account into. I deposited one, which as you may remember was an ordeal. They were treating it like it was fraudulent, and I spent 2 hours on the phone. Cue yesterday when Jess got the first payout from her father's death. They deposited the check, and four hours later, I got an email that my account was being closed, because they suspected the check was altered. WTF. I called, and they wanted to talk to Jess. They went over things, and gave them the customer service number of the company the check was drawn off. Since it was 7:30 pm, they were closed, so they couldn't do anything. Jess has to call again today and wait while they verify shit. In the meantime, I don't know whether if it's verified, they'll rescind the closing, or if I need to pull the money as soon as it clears. It's just fucking annoying and I'm rethinking Wells Fargo as my bank. Jess has several more checks coming off their father's accounts, some of which are quite a lot of money, and I don't know if we're going to have to go through this every single fucking time.

As a result, I didn't sleep well last night, and today I am headachey and cranky. We'll see what the morning brings. Either way, once this is settled, I'm going to be calling customer service and ripping some supervisor a new asshole. I'm just thoroughly frustrated and angry. I'll be nice, but I will explain why it was a bad idea to fuck with us.

Aside from the last couple of hours, yesterday was a good day. I worked. It was busy. I made dinner. I didn't get any cleaning done, but I did get my nails painted?

My last manicure was a gel manicure, which fucked my nails the hell up. They look like shit, just beat to hell, and thin. They've been cracking and chipping and I had to cut them all down to nothing. Some are less than nothing. I've been painting them so I don't have to look at them, but it still doesn't look great with all the nicks and dings on them. Whatever polish they used just would not come off. I soaked and used oil, and I still ended up scraping it clear. Never again. Now I just have to wait for them to grow out.

In related news, I've really been enjoying Lakur nail polish. It goes on very smooth, and only a couple of colors have required a second coat. They also have a couple topper polishes that I like very much. One is moonstone, which is a faintly iridescent blueish tint, the other is a clear with little sparkles. Both are adorable.

I'm debating on what color I want to paint them for Friday, when I have my delayed meeting for work. It'll involve going down to the main hospital and spending half a day with my bosses boss. I'm both nervous and looking forward to it. I should be getting my invitation soon that'll tell me where to go. I know I need to stop in the badge office and get a new badge, as mine got lost in our move from one location to the other. It was sent to the old, and no one was every able to retrieve it.

I've got my outfit picked out, a cute secretarial dress and a nice top with flats. Hopefully I'll make a good first impression. I'll make sure my makeup is on point, and try to look good. Then, I just need to turn it on. Definitely need to remember my Vyvanse that day.

Okay, time for me to go forth and get dressed. Everyone have a wonderful Tuesday!

beanside

For music Monday, I bring you Ghost (I know, really? How shocking!

Watch on YouTube

I originally wasn't that fond of this song. Then I saw it in concert, and it's played so playfully and with such joy that I couldn't help but adore it.

Watch on YouTube

This is the audio from the MSG concert. It's not the greatest audio, but it's still pretty entertaining.

Yesterday was a busy and and I am rather tired and sore this morning. I did everything I said I was going to do, except I wasn't so good at protecting my back from the vacuuming, and thus am a wee bit sore.

Brunch and dinner turned out reasonably well. I wasn't an enormous fan of the homemade stuffing, but it wasn't bad. Next time, I may get a food processor to chop the onions, and celery so they're not such large chunks. IT had a good flavor though. I've got actual man made stuffing coming from Sam's club tomorrow, I think. I'm going to use that to stuff the chicken that I'm making. The rest was pretty good.

Special mention of the Dutch baby that has only failed to rise once. Yesterday, it rose beautifully, and was delicious. Recipe can be found right here.. All you really need is a seasoned cast iron pan. I have a 14", so I double the recipe, but the single batch was perfect for an 8" that I started making them in. IT makes a somewhat eggy batter, but not so eggy that Jess doesn't like it. They are the one who requested it, and had two helpings.

I love our new vaccum, it 100% is awesome at getting shit like litter up. I just know that cleaning one small room at a time is my limit. As a result, our room is lovely, No little to then track into our bed.

Today, I shall work, and then I shall figure out dinner. I need to get something out to cook. I'm leaning towards the faux snow crab legs. They were delicious last time, and I could go for something with a little spice. I saute them with old bay abd butter, and they're so tasty.

I need to clean out the big pyrex container so I can put in the leftovers.Right now, it's full of onion soup. I need to get a container of crab meat, so I can make some cream of crab as it gets colder.

But for now, I shall go forth and get myself together. Everyone have the best Monday you can Monday!

radiorot

Now people are fighting over Rick. He just got divorced and a couple of women are moving in on him. I didn't think any of this was happening until we had an event at the upscale mall that just opened near his house. He moved out of the city a long time ago, even though he always writes about it like he's living here, and he interviews people on his show about it and makes himself sound like an insider. But he moved to his hometown on the North Shore and that's really where he does a lot of his socializing.

The place isn't really a mall but a strip with expensive stores. In another suburb it'd be called a strip mall, but it's too precious to be called that. All the cars in the parking lot are luxury and Rick was really happy about that. He arrived in his big BMW and said he was glad to not worry about the other cars in the lot because they wouldn't want to ruin their own cars, so they all drive carefully.

I was invited to the event because my dad knows the contractor and when Rick saw me, he was surprised, like in a bad way. At the station he pretends to be friendly with everyone, but he's really a total snob. As long as we know our place we're fine, but he's one of those people who wants us to stay in our place and not cross any line to be where he is. But I did, not because I was out to get him, but because I was just invited, and then the program director asked me to record some sound so the newsroom could use it. I usually have nothing to do with news but I said I'd do it.

Rick was with two women who were competing for his attention. They were both his age, which isn't typical because Rick's ex was 20 years younger than him and really cute. Those women looked good for their age and were dressed perfectly and I could tell they dieted and worked out, so they looked better than most older women I see around the station. He was drunk and they were talking to him and laughing and were trying to push each other out of the way. Not in an obvious way, but they were always trying to get his attention.

Then another woman, who I guess was his date, showed up and she looked like 10 years younger, and the other two didn't like that. He put his arm around his date but he also talked to the other women, so they were sort of surrounding him. But they were beat, I could tell, because Rick was always with his date and he looked really into her, but she didn't seem so into him. She kept looking around the room. Then I recognized her--she was from the TV station, a per diem reporter. Then it made sense. Rick knows everyone and has connections and he's helped some other people get more air time even though he only goes on TV for special segments. So that must've been it. She's gorgeous and he is not and I've seen this before, so I just assumed she's with him because of that.

Then I heard the other two women give his girlfriend advice about how to take care of him and she got super annoyed and told them to not talk to her like that. They're obviously jealous and want to control him and not let anyone get him, but too late. He won again.

Mood: tired

beanside

Yet again, I woke up at 7am, and could absolutely not get back to sleep. I tried! Ah well, it'll do. My back was a wee bit sore, so I took some ibuprofen and am waiting for it to kick in. The joys of being 53.

Today shall be relaxing and some cleaning and cooking. First up, shall be brunch. Then, I will relax and then clean, then dinner. I'm debating on making sourdough stuffing for the pork chops. The ones from Sam's club are usually pretty thick and I could slice and stuff them. Might be good. Add in some honey roasted carrots with a tiny bit of chili powder and salt, and it should be delicious. I got the big loaf of sourdough, and sage, thyme and parsley, so why not?

Yesterday was a good day. I did mostly nothing. We got dressed and went to the post office so Jess could mail out some forms, and then came back and had breakfast and then played a game.

The game ended up being super fun, as I had a big boss battle set up. Good lord those were a lot of characters to keep track of! Next session, we have a ton of wrap up to do, and then the players will be deciding which plot hook they want to pick up on. I've got two options, either of which would be good with me. I shall spend time uploading a few maps, so that either way, we're covered. Debating pulling some of the Witchlight maps out of storage and reusing them for good, since they're good depictions of the Feywild. Definitely will reuse the castle maps, as that was super detailed.

After game, we relaxed for a bit, and then we ran out and grabbed dinner. As per usual, we got way too much food, and now I have a Chinese pork "hamburger" for lunch tomorrow, nom nom. Also braised beef and potatoes and plain handpulled noodles, which I can add a little soy and gochujang as a treat.

Tomorrow it's back to work. I need to ask if the meeting for Friday is still on or if it's getting bumped again. Either way, I have my clothes ready. I just need to decide which skirt to wear. Full business, or slightly funky. I love both options.

But first, another day to relax and plot out future outings. The lovely

poisontaster has agreed to join us in November for a brunch at Brunch at Amoora which is a semi-exclusive event. They only hold one brunch per month, and I'm determined to get in for November. I'm just going to haunt those reservations until they become available.

At some point between now and then, I'd like to go for their dinner menu, just to taste the food. I adore Middle Eastern food, so I'm very excited to try it.

Okay, time to go forth and work on waking the hell up. Everyone have a stellar Sunday!